My life feels broken and shattered. My body and emotions feel like a rubber band about to snap. My head and mind feel like Mt Vesuvius ready to explode and if it does, it will destroy everything in it's path. I can barley get out of bed, so no chores are getting done. Laundry is flowing out of the laundry room and I have now washed the same load twice because I keep forgetting it. My house looks like a war zone because my body is the battle front and on days like today I feel like I'm losing. Especially the food battle and I'm not even fighting hard. My body is his temple yet, I find excuses for everything, like cookies, ice cream, donut holes and fast food. I want to feel better! I know that these foods make me feel worse and only feel good for a moment and sometimes not even that. I keep using food to fill the emptiness, that my brokeness makes me feel, when I should be using Christ to fill that hole. Every time I turn to food instead of him, I betray him for less than Judas did. The amazing thing is He forgives me for every betrayal. By myself I know that I will never win this war and that it's only through HIS strength that the war will be won.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Healing through pain.
Today is definitely not a good a day. I'm full of anger, rage, and bitterness towards the medical community. I have never know a day with out either pain or being sick. Most of my memories of the holidays is being sick and here I'm again at holiday time, sick. The sinus infection that I have been fighting for a month now, has robbed me and my son of doing so many wonderful things, like club days with our homeschool group, playing in the park, going to the aviation show at Nellis, and church to name a few. After missing so much I finally broke down and went to the doctor for help.
I say broke down because I was scared of the treatment, antibiotics. Why you might wonder, would someone be scared of antibiotics, well I'm highly allergic to them. When I tell doctors this, many don't take me seriously which changes the whole tone of the appointment. The doctor at this last appointment made me feel like he couldn't wait to get out of the appointment because he didn't want to have to deal with trying to find something that might help me, not harm me.
Well my reaction to this last antibiotic was the worst I have ever had. After doing some research, after the fact, I found out that the one he gave me has the highest chance of allergic reaction. My normal reaction is just itchy skin and migraines. When reading the sheet they give you when you get your prescription, it had said that there was a 1% chance of getting a seizure with it. As usual I was that 1%, it was so scary. It happened at dose 7 of 20. The pervious doses had given me a migraine and the itching but I was so desperate to get rid of this infection I would have suffered through the 10 days but after the seizure like reaction I took no more, which means I still have the infection. On top of it I'm having a major flair of my fibormyalgia. The pins and needles are so bad in my arms and hands that I have barley slept in days, which just keeps making things worse.
As I am dealing with feeling betrayed by my body and the medical community, God keeps showing me the handout I had made to go with my teach for the women's retreat. The retreat and my teach was about living well, and I made a list of bible verse to use to go along with that theme. Yesterday I shared the verses that I did not use, so today I would like to share the ones I did and the ones that God is using to heal me.
The lack of sleep, reaction to the antibiotic, pain, and that time of month have created these waves of crying and anger but just before they take me under, my Beloved's voice cuts through it all and calms the waves, leaving a healing peace. I pray that what ever you might be struggling with today, these verses bring peace and healing to your soul.
Be Blessed!
ps; If you haven't figured it out the retreat and my teach inspired the title and theme of this blog. ;)
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. (Romans 15:13 ESV)
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (Colossians 3:12 NIV)
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32 ESV)
Do all things without grumbling and faultfinding and complaining and questioning
and doubting. (Philippians 2:14 AMP)
So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. (Romans 14:19 ESV)
Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. (1 Peter 2:1 NIV)
Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the mind and healing to the body. (Proverbs 16:24 AMP)
O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you. (Psalm 84:12 NIV84)
Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious-the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. (Philippians 4:8 MSG)
I say broke down because I was scared of the treatment, antibiotics. Why you might wonder, would someone be scared of antibiotics, well I'm highly allergic to them. When I tell doctors this, many don't take me seriously which changes the whole tone of the appointment. The doctor at this last appointment made me feel like he couldn't wait to get out of the appointment because he didn't want to have to deal with trying to find something that might help me, not harm me.
Well my reaction to this last antibiotic was the worst I have ever had. After doing some research, after the fact, I found out that the one he gave me has the highest chance of allergic reaction. My normal reaction is just itchy skin and migraines. When reading the sheet they give you when you get your prescription, it had said that there was a 1% chance of getting a seizure with it. As usual I was that 1%, it was so scary. It happened at dose 7 of 20. The pervious doses had given me a migraine and the itching but I was so desperate to get rid of this infection I would have suffered through the 10 days but after the seizure like reaction I took no more, which means I still have the infection. On top of it I'm having a major flair of my fibormyalgia. The pins and needles are so bad in my arms and hands that I have barley slept in days, which just keeps making things worse.
As I am dealing with feeling betrayed by my body and the medical community, God keeps showing me the handout I had made to go with my teach for the women's retreat. The retreat and my teach was about living well, and I made a list of bible verse to use to go along with that theme. Yesterday I shared the verses that I did not use, so today I would like to share the ones I did and the ones that God is using to heal me.
The lack of sleep, reaction to the antibiotic, pain, and that time of month have created these waves of crying and anger but just before they take me under, my Beloved's voice cuts through it all and calms the waves, leaving a healing peace. I pray that what ever you might be struggling with today, these verses bring peace and healing to your soul.
Be Blessed!
ps; If you haven't figured it out the retreat and my teach inspired the title and theme of this blog. ;)
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. (Romans 15:13 ESV)
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (Colossians 3:12 NIV)
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32 ESV)
Do all things without grumbling and faultfinding and complaining and questioning
and doubting. (Philippians 2:14 AMP)
So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. (Romans 14:19 ESV)
Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. (1 Peter 2:1 NIV)
Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the mind and healing to the body. (Proverbs 16:24 AMP)
O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you. (Psalm 84:12 NIV84)
Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious-the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. (Philippians 4:8 MSG)
Monday, November 21, 2011
The First Step.
For a long time God has been putting it on my heart to do a blog and I just kept putting it off. A dear friend of mine has given me the inspiration and courage to begin mine. As she has stepped out in faith and shared what she is learning on her journey, it has made me desire to also share what I'm learning.
This morning while waiting at an appointment, I came across bible verses that I had compiled while I was creating my first teach for a Women's Retreat last month. These verses really spoke to me in many ways but I didn't use them. So I want to share them with you and pray that they touch you in some way. I look forward to sharing my journey with you.
Be Blessed!
Is anything too hard for the Lord? (Genesis 18:14 NIV)
Lord, our Lord,how majestic is your name in all the earth! (Psalm 8:9 NIV)
The heavens declare the glory of God,and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. Day to day pours out speech,and night to night reveals knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words, whose voice is not heard. Their voice goes out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. In them he has set a tent for the sun, which comes out like a bridegroom leaving his chamber, and, like a strong man, runs its course with joy. Its rising is from the end of the heavens, and its circuit to the end of them, and there is nothing hidden from its heat. The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward. Who can discern his errors?Declare me innocent from hidden faults. Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me! Then I shall be blameless, and innocent of great transgression. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. (Psalm 19:1-14 ESV)
Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. (Psalm 25:4, 5 ESV)
O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. (Psalm 63:1-8 ESV)
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. (Psalm 103:1-5 ESV)
I lift up my eyes to the hills.From where does my help come?My help comes from the Lord,who made heaven and earth. (Psalm 121:1, 2 ESV)
I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad. Oh, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together! (Psalm 34:1-3 ESV)
But he answered, "It is written,"'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" (Matthew 4:4 ESV)
For nothing will be impossible with God." (Luke 1:37 ESV)
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? (Romans 8:31, 32 ESV)
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4-7 ESV)
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. (Colossians 3:23, 24 ESV)
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 5:6-11 ESV)
And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. (Ephesians 5:2 ESV)
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:12-17 ESV)
This morning while waiting at an appointment, I came across bible verses that I had compiled while I was creating my first teach for a Women's Retreat last month. These verses really spoke to me in many ways but I didn't use them. So I want to share them with you and pray that they touch you in some way. I look forward to sharing my journey with you.
Be Blessed!
Is anything too hard for the Lord? (Genesis 18:14 NIV)
Lord, our Lord,how majestic is your name in all the earth! (Psalm 8:9 NIV)
The heavens declare the glory of God,and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. Day to day pours out speech,and night to night reveals knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words, whose voice is not heard. Their voice goes out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. In them he has set a tent for the sun, which comes out like a bridegroom leaving his chamber, and, like a strong man, runs its course with joy. Its rising is from the end of the heavens, and its circuit to the end of them, and there is nothing hidden from its heat. The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward. Who can discern his errors?Declare me innocent from hidden faults. Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me! Then I shall be blameless, and innocent of great transgression. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. (Psalm 19:1-14 ESV)
Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. (Psalm 25:4, 5 ESV)
O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. (Psalm 63:1-8 ESV)
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. (Psalm 103:1-5 ESV)
I lift up my eyes to the hills.From where does my help come?My help comes from the Lord,who made heaven and earth. (Psalm 121:1, 2 ESV)
I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad. Oh, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together! (Psalm 34:1-3 ESV)
But he answered, "It is written,"'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" (Matthew 4:4 ESV)
For nothing will be impossible with God." (Luke 1:37 ESV)
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? (Romans 8:31, 32 ESV)
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4-7 ESV)
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. (Colossians 3:23, 24 ESV)
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 5:6-11 ESV)
And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. (Ephesians 5:2 ESV)
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:12-17 ESV)
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